Space

I have been icy.

I have been sarcastic.

I have been unapologetically vicious.

I have been studying a lot more.

I have been skipping meals.

Besides, I crave for isolation at times, because sometimes it feels that the world is so congested.

People around me have been questioning my behaviors lately. They do it silently, perhaps when I wasn't around, if they did not confront me directly.

But they don't understand. Everything is going great for me. Nothing is wrong. They are just making a big deal out of it because they are too accustomed to my previous behaviors.

I have also learned what a friend has been up to. Screw you, I'm a hell lot sharper than you think I am. You ought to feel extremely apologetic right now.

Striding Forward

While I recharge before getting back to work, I guess I better start talking.

I know I've informed you about my breakup, but well... I have not actually talk about the whole entire breakup.

In short, I came to this heartbreaking decision last Monday, having mustered enough courage and determination to uproot this relationship. He didn't love me, although he might have cared for my feelings and wellbeing to a certain extent. All the broken promises, the time he had but didn't want to spend with me, the oh-whatever attitude toward me, his then-girlfriend, apparently "one true love". I was simply a girl who caught his eye. Something nice to have around, whose company was enjoyable.

Unlike me, he was on his break at that time. He texted me the evening, asking me how I was.

Fine. It was all I sent back.

As expected, he asked if anything had happened.

Nothing. I said.

Sensing something, he asked if I wanted him to call.

No.

Is there anything? He inquired again.

Nothing.

Then, he texted Jennifer, a close friend of mine, asking how I was. He added, that I was "acting oddly". Unbeknownst to him, Jennifer was just sitting right across the table, already aware of my decision. Jennifer told him to ask me instead.

Around 7.30 pm, just when I was about to shower, he called.

I went out to the balcony, to where it began in the first place, to deliver my first breakup speech.

"You have been wanting me to end it for some time already, right?!" Angry tears started to stream down my face. He had, all these while, lied about loving me.

And of course, he denied it. Oh, he sounded so innocent about it. But I had already seen it coming, and there was no way I would make any mistake.

"Since you don't give a damn, why should I f___king care?" I screamed at him, while the waterworks continued.

"I don't want to lose you..." He began, the standard line that made me stay so many times. But I would not be deceived anymore.

"Don't you realize that you have already lost me?"

So, he didn't realize that.

"You want to end it, just like that?"

"Yes!!" I wanted to end the unreal relationship, to move on. I knew, that I could be happier, a lot happier without him.

And so I became a happy single again.

To all of you, especially those who have not been in a relationship before. Contrary to popular belief, being in a relationship isn't really only all about "he loves her, and she loves him, so they are together". It requires commitment from both sides, trust, responsibility amongst other things, and living up to them all the time.

Moreover, being in a relationship isn't always equated to happiness. See? I'm way happier now.

There, I'm striding forward, surviving, victoriously, gloriously.

Yes, I heard that he appears to be sad lately. But, I know for sure that he's down not because he lost me, but because he was "dumped".

Okay. Whatever. I've become so strong that I would never fall back into his arms, ever again.

Awake & Alive

People say that it takes a lot of courage and determination to walk away from a relationship, regardless of how much a jackass your partner/ex-partner is. Nonetheless, it too, takes valiance and fighter's spirit to survive after a breakup.

But look, I'm doing great. Greater. Than. Ever. I reckon my ever-persistent will to conquer and acquire victory contributed in my post-breakup survival.

I know a girl who after her breakup a few months ago, somehow lost sight of all hopes. One afternoon, when she was supposed to be in a class with the rest of her friends, she decided to cut her wrist. Luckily, a friend who noticed something was amiss, managed to stop her from severing her veins any further, just in time.

Well, I'm confident that it'll never happen to me. Because life is always worth living.

Right now, I am on a relatively healthy diet, in which I exercise more to lose weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing it out of sheer vanity. I know what the world wants, and how it works. I'm simply doing what I have to in order to adapt, and survive.

And I'm increasing my vocabulary, and general knowledge by reading Time magazines again. It helps my critical thinking too.

I'm awake, and alive. I'll survive, gloriously.